Horror Fortress 2 (Actually 1, But Who Cares?)
by Truly Hopeless
Summary: Title should be self explanatory. Starring Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Pinhead, Hannibal Lecter, Pennywise, Erik Destler (the Phantom of the Opera), Ghostface, the Tall Man from Phantasm, and Michael Myers. More characters will be added later; I take requests. Please review.
1. Meet the Team Part 1: How Things Are Now

Author's Note: Okay, after a long hiatus and changing my penname, I have decided to try something new. Please tell me what you think of the first chapter and whether or not I should continue, and I am speaking to both people who already know me and any newcomers; I just want to know what you think. Disclaimer: Team Fortress 2, Gordon Freeman, and anything else Team Fortress/Portal/Half Life related that may be mentioned belongs to Valve, and the horror movie characters belong to various movie producers/writers (the companies that produce these films don't know crap).

_Also, whenever you see something in italics, _it means it's a character's thought. Also, remember that this is a parody; I will try to keep the characters in character as much as possible, but there will be moments when they're out of character, intentional or not.

Cast (which actors play which characters, and classes in terms of the game):  
Kane Hodder-Jason Voorhees (Heavy)  
Robert Englund-Freddy Krueger (Soldier), Erik Destler, "The Phantom of the Opera" (Engineer) If you're a fan of Gerard Butler, don't worry; he'll be added later.  
Doug Bradley-Pinhead (Spy) Other cenobites are Spies as well, and some have special abilities of their own.  
Anthony Hopkins-Hannibal Lecter (Medic)  
Tim Curry-Pennywise (Demoman)  
Angus Scrimm-The Tall Man from Phantasm (Sniper)  
?-Michael Myers (Pyro) Can someone tell me who gets more credit for this role/who did best?  
? and ?-Ghostface (Scout) Yeah, I'm sticking with the idea that Ghostface is portrayed by two people, which makes sense for being the Scout, but I don't know which actors to put, and I don't want to resurrect anyone from the Scream franchise. For this Ghostface, Aidan and Snow are brother and sister who frequently get in fights with each other and accidently killed two people at a costume party who were using the Ghostface costume to try and kill Sydney for some petty reason that doesn't matter anymore because they're dead. If you have any suggestions for a possible actor and actress to play these two, let me know.

Don't see your favorite horror character here? Feel free to request 1. A Character, 2. A New Class and/or 3. An Actor/Actress you want to see. They can be:  
**1\. **A hero or heroine**  
2\. **An anti-hero or heroine  
**3.** A Straight-up villain (serial killers or monsters are good candidates)  
They can be from a movie, a video game, TV show, comic, or something else horror related.

Characters I would like to add later (and need a name for the Class they represent):  
Dracula (anything to do with Dracula)-Vampire (can't get anymore specific than that (X )  
Juliet Starling (Lollipop Chainsaw)-Cheerleader who wields a chainsaw to fight zombies. How freaking cool would it be to have her on the team?!  
Carrie White (Carrie)-has telekinetic powers  
Candyman (Candyman)-BEES! (and can attack people using mirrors and slashing at them with his hooked hand, I guess)

Without further ado, let's begin.

* * *

Groaning slightly, Jason slowly opened his eyes and slammed his fist down on the small, beeping alarm clock next to his bed, breaking it.

_Ugh... Great, now I need a new clock. Maybe one of the campers had one... _He got out of bed and stretched, his dead bones cracking slightly. He went down the stairs of an abandoned summer home on the edge of Crystal Lake and into the basement where he kept the various things that once belonged to the campers before he killed them.

Nodding once to his mother's decapitated head, he slowly opened one of the bags and began rummaging around, looking for a new clock. _Anything will do, really, _he thought, _just so I have something to wake me up. _He recently found out about alarm clocks, and he found them extremely useful for waking up earlier so that he could plan what he would do about the stupid teenagers that came to Crystal Lake on a weekly basis. And it also helped him to avoid Freddy.

Speaking of that bastard son of a thousand maniacs...

Fred Krueger slowly crept up behind Jason, an evil grin on his face. This was it, his chance at getting revenge on Jason for making a fool of him a few years back! He had to stop himself from laughing as he raised his gloved hand, ready to strike.

Before he could do so, however, a large chain with a hook on the end shot out of the wall and hooked itself into his wrist. Freddy let out a yell of pain as yellow blood started gushing out, causing Jason to turn around and look up. If he hadn't been wearing a mask, something very close to a smirk would have been seen on his face at the sight of Freddy struggling like a caught fish.

"Thank you, Pinhead," he said in a low voice, as the cenobite stepped out of the shadows. People always assumed that he couldn't talk, but they were wrong; he could talk, he just preferred not to, since it took a lot of effort, and he never really had anything important to say. He knew for certain that the Black Mesa worker that appeared on the news recently could talk, but doesn't, and no one assumes _he_ was mute.

Xipe Totec, or Pinhead, as he is commonly called, nodded to him and said, "My pleasure, Jason." Then he sneered at Freddy as two more chains arrived and hooked into his legs.

"Damn it, Pinhead!" Freddy shouted, as he was suspended upside down, his hat falling off and his red and green Christmas sweater slipping down a few inches. "Why can't you mind your own business?! Surely you know what it's like, wanting revenge on people who kicked your ass, like that Cotton bi-"

He didn't get to finish that sentence as a fourth chain shot out and hooked into his tongue.

"Kindly refrain from referring to Kirsty in that manner, Frederick," he said coolly, his face not changing, but Jason saw a flash of anger in his eyes. It wasn't really a secret that the leader of the cenobites was interested in the young woman, and it was a lot more than simply tearing her to pieces, but that's neither here nor there, or at least not for now...Okay, I'm getting off track, moving along.

The reason that all three of them are staying at Crystal Lake will take a little explaining. Some years back, Freddy decided to try to return to attacking the children of Springwood by tricking Jason, disguised as his mother, to kill some teenagers so that people will think he has returned, which would bring him back since he quite literally lived on the fear of children. Unfortunately, Jason didn't stop killing as soon as Freddy returned, and a small group of teenagers, not wanting to be killed by either of them, found a way to bring them to Jason's home so that neither of them could hurt them. It worked, mostly, with the two killers fighting each other for dominance in both the real world and the dream world, until Lori, one of the teenagers, decided to intervene, ultimately leading to both of the killers' demise. They would have continued the fight in hell, but they were stopped by Pinhead, who kept them in their place for some time.

Eventually, Pinhead released them, with the condition that they were both to remain in Crystal Lake, unless they wanted to be torn apart by chains from one of the many puzzle boxes that were scattered throughout the world. One box, that could be opened from either side, also resided in Crystal Lake, so that he could keep an eye on both of them. Over time, the three of them formed something resembling a team when it came to dealing with the intruders on Crystal Lake: Jason would kill the people who were wide awake and wandering around, drinking alcohol, doing drugs, or in some cases making out with each other in the woods, Freddy would attack sleeping people in their dreams, and if a sinner found and opened the box, Pinhead and the other cenobites would promptly come and take him or her to hell. (Anyone who survived would run away in terror, and, if they were smart, would never come back again. The scrappy ones, who only survived the first time because of dumb luck, or had their smarter friend knock them out and drag them away, would be killed the next time.)

They weren't really friends, but they weren't trying to rip each other's throats out every five minutes, so it was a start.

Returning to the present, Jason continued looking for a new alarm clock while Freddy continued cursing Pinhead and Pinhead just stood there, looking bored.

Jason tossed the bag he was just looking through away, hitting Freddy in the chest, much to both Jason and Pinhead's amusement, and he promptly began looking through another one.

_Gotcha! _he thought triumphantly, as he finally pulled out an alarm clock. Despite looking older than most alarm clocks, it was still in working order and was made out of a thicker material than the cheap clock he broke that morning.

"Ahkay, yah 'ave ur clock! Can yu lawt me go?!" Freddy shouted. He was trying to say, "Okay, you have your clock! Can you let me go?" but the hook that was still in his tongue was preventing him from speaking properly.

"Very well," Pinhead said, and all the chains retracted, causing Freddy to fall to the ground.

"I didn't mean it like that, you asshole!" Freddy shouted, as Pinhead and Jason laughed at him.

"Well, maybe next time you should be a little more specific," Pinhead retorted. Freddy would have lashed out at him and probably end up having hooks trapping him again, but a bunch of bells were set off at that moment, alerting the arrival of intruders.

"Don't these teenagers ever read the news reports on the internet?" Freddy mused for a moment. "I'm pretty sure the words 'death,' and 'massacre' and 'Jason' should send up a red flag. Well, whatever, let's go make a plan to get rid of them." The other two silently agreed and followed him up the stairs.

* * *

Erik Destler looked up at the camp that he and his friend would be staying at. Not that many people came here, or at least many intelligent people, thanks to the rumors of the undead Jason Voorhees lurking around, ready to kill anyone who dared to trespass here. That would allow plenty of time for the two of them to stay out of sight of the FBI agents that would try to kill them if caught, keyword being try, since he couldn't be killed and he would kill anyone who came close to killing the good doctor.

"Cheerful place, isn't it Erik?" came his friend's voice from the driver's side.

Erik smiled and replied, "Certainly a lot better than living underground, Hannibal."

Explanation time! The two men in the car are Hannibal "the Cannibal" Lecter, and Erik Destler, or, as many people who either heard the legend or watched Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical called him, the Phantom of the Opera. These two actually met at the opera house that Erik was hiding in, when the stupid managers had sold box five, again, to Dr. Lecter on the opening night of Faust at the Opera House. Erik had considered killing him to give the managers a reason not to sell the box, but Lecter, being able to smell Erik (heightened sense of smell + living in a sewer for most of your life = failure at stealth), managed to stop him from doing so. The fight was brief and quiet, so as not to alarm the other people who attended the show, since Erik was supposed to be a ghost and Hannibal on the run from the FBI, and ended when the young woman playing Marguerite, known as Christine Day, made her appearance on stage, after which they both stopped so that they could actually enjoy the show.

Afterwards, Dr. Lecter found a way into Erik's hiding place, but instead of engaging in a second fight, the two sat down and talked, like the gentlemen they were. During their conversation, they found that they had some things in common: both had a great appreciation for fine arts, both tried whenever possible to have the best living conditions (Lecter even commented on how one wouldn't know Erik's house was underground unless they went outside), both-shock horror!-had romantic feelings for someone who didn't quite return them (for Erik, it was the aforementioned Christine, who stabbed him in the chest and ran away when he revealed himself to her for the second time, and for the good doctor, it was an FBI agent named Clarice Starling, whose rejection actually caused him to lose his hand {don't ask}), and both were serial killers that most of the world would like to see dead and buried six feet under.

They continued meeting, sometimes at Erik's place, other times inside of box five, which Erik told the managers to sell to no one but the good doctor (or at least his false name) from that point onward, and once even in the home that Lecter rented. Unlike the ungodly trio of Freddy, Jason, and Pinhead, Erik and Lecter actually became friends, and tolerated each other's faults. Lecter even acted as Erik's psychologist when it became apparent that Erik had difficulty getting over Christine, since she married someone named Raoul two years following their last meeting.

You're probably asking, "Why are they going to Crystal Lake?" Well, one of the stage hands at the opera house (stupid, nosey stage hands, haven't they ever heard of what happened to Joseph Buquet?) who had fallen into one of Erik's traps not only managed to leave the trap alive, but saw both Erik and Dr. Lecter and called the police on the cell phone he had with him before they could silence him.

So Erik and the good doctor had to escape the opera house and they narrowly avoided the F.B.I., including Clarice Starling, who apparently still felt bitter about Dr. Lecter not only getting away from her, but toying with her feelings as well. Using fake IDs, costume make up, and the money Erik and Lecter had, they managed to reach America without another run-in with the law.

They got out of the car with their two bags and entered one of the cabins that they felt sure was empty.

"We'll stay here for the night," Dr. Lecter told Erik, "and make plans for what to do next. Can you think of anywhere we could go where they won't think to look for us?"

"I've been thinking about going to Coney Island," Erik said finally, "where I could disguise myself as a clown or a fortune teller, but I don't know how you could disguise yourself. I can't really see you running a carnival game or selling popcorn without being recognized."

"Perhaps _I_ could be the fortune teller, and _you_ could build a mirror maze," Lecter suggested. "You are very good at that sort of thing and some people would like it. It would also help if our 'friends' should find us again; while they are trying to find their way to us through the maze, we will make our escape through a back door. You could even make the mirrors bullet proof so that they can't cheat and shoot the mirrors."*

Erik smiled. "I'll have to think on it a little more, but that's not a bad idea."

Shortly afterward, Hannibal started getting dinner ready. They didn't really have much, just some vegetables and chicken broth, and he made a mental note to find a decent grocery store when he found a way to disguise himself, but it would do for the night. Erik started unpacking his and the doctor's things. He set his violin on one of the two beds (in a spot he was not likely to sit on) and was just about to place Lecter's medical bag on the other bed when he jerked up sharply at the sound of a voice which did not belong to his friend:

"Move over, I can't see!" a male voice said.

"Shut up, or they'll hear us!" a second voice, this one female, hissed. Their voices came from the wardrobe. Without making any indication that he knew someone else was in the room, he went to his bag again and pulled out a long, red rope that had been tied into a noose, which he kept out of view of the wardrobe. He was going to open the door, and if he heard anything along the lines of, "Police! Put your hands where I can see them!" he would let the Punjab lasso fly over their heads and around their necks to choke them. A mistake that most police officers made when trying to kill him was not holding their gun hand to eye level, which was the only way to avoid strangulation. On the rare occasion that they had their hands at eye level when he threw the rope and tried to pull him close to shoot him, the bullets had no effect on him and he would then pull his knife from his pocket to slit their throats. He really couldn't lose.

"What's the worse they could do?" the male voice replied, not bothering to keep his voice down as Erik approached the wardrobe, the lasso behind his back.

"Did you see the man with the maroon eyes?!" the female voice snapped, losing patience herself. Apparently, neither of them were aware of the danger they were in as Erik placed his hand on the door. "That's Hannibal Lecter, you know, 'ate his liver with fava beans and a nice chianti,' who will f*cking kill us if he catches us?!"

This made Erik pause. Dr. Lecter told him that he had said those words to someone before, but it had been Clarice Starling, during their first meeting when he warned her not to overstep her boundaries, and they had been alone. How did these two know what was said and done?

"It can't be," the first voice scoffed, just as Erik started to slowly open the door. "He's not real, he only exists in a movie. Alright, five movies, if you count Manhunter and that sh!tty prologue film, the books that the movies were based on, and a TV series that more or less just came out, but still!

"I know it doesn't make sense, but we have to be-" She stopped mid-sentence as the light of the room filled the small space. Upon seeing Erik with the Punjab raised, the two teenagers both screamed bloody murder.

* * *

Author's Note: Thanks for reading. Feedback would be helpful. Stay tuned for part two, if you think I should continue.

*Footnote: If you can't tell already, the Erik I'm using is a combination of both of ALW's musicals (POTO and Love Never Dies), the book, and of course the 1989 version. So if one thing seems unusual for one version, check another. And I don't know if there are such things as bulletproof mirrors, but it sounds like something Erik would use.


	2. Meet the Team Part 2: Battle Royale

Author's Note: Holy crap, it's been over a year since I wrote this! You probably thought it was dead. Okay, here's the next chapter, and this is going to be a pretty long chapter so I hope you don't mind. Special thanks to LJ1983 for being the first to review. I don't own any of these characters (except for the current Ghostface "killers") and I don't own TF2 (the rights, that is; the game I have access to). This time, we will actually see some fighting! WARNING: the fourth wall will be destroyed many times from this point onward.

* * *

And now for some information on the two teenagers Erik found. Their names are Aidan and Snow Corentine, they are eighteen-year-old twins from New Jeresy, both have light brown hair and blue eyes with Snow wearing glasses, and they were hiding from law enforcement up until the two killers showed up.

Three weeks ago, they attended a costume party hosted by Sidney Prescott to celebrate her latest book becoming a best seller. In their rush to get an autograph for Snow, they accidentally knocked two cloaked and masked people down the stairs of a basement where they broke their necks. Of course they stopped to try to help them, and Snow called the police on her cell phone when she found out they were dead (she didn't want something like "I Know What You Did Last Summer" to happen to her, even if it did mean she and her brother might be convicted for manslaughter), but Aidan, not being entirely bright, decided to take off their costumes so that he could take a better look at them. Actually, let's take a closer look at that fateful moment, shall we?

"Aidan," Snow snapped, putting her hand over the mouthpiece, "put that down right now!"

"But it looks so cool! Almost exactly like that Ghostface killer. It even has a fake knife! OW!" He had held the knife by the blade and dropped it when the sharp tip cut his thumb.

Snow's eyes widened when she realized the dead guests _were_ wearing the Ghostface killer outfit. _And with the knife being real, that means..._ "Oh my God. Officer, I think I should report an attempted murder, too. An attempted Ghostface murder. Aidan, what the hell are you doing?!"

Aidan had just put on one of the cloaks and masks of the Ghostface costume. He even put the knife back in the pocket "Wow, the visibility really sucks! See for yourself!"

"I-NO! Aidan, don't put that on me!" As she struggled to stop him from pulling the other costume over her head, she dropped the phone, where it broke, ending the call with the police.

"What's going on down there?" Sidney was at the top of the stairs, and when she saw the dead bodies and Aidan and Snow in full Ghostface costume, she screamed.

"Run!" Snow shouted, and she dragged her brother by the wrist to pull him toward the door leading outside just as other people, who could most likely beat them into unconsciousness without a second thought, came to the stairs to see what was wrong.

They barely escaped the police, and they thought it best not to go home since the police might have already arrived, so the only option they had was to run until the fuss died down. They had remembered to bring their wallets to the party (to help pay for any pizza ordered), but going into a store was a bad idea since they could not find a place to ditch the costumes that Aidan had so unwisely made them wear, and on top of that, their faces could have already been posted on a wanted criminal list somewhere.

So all they had been able to do was find the abandoned camp, where they lived off of berries and fungi that Snow was able to identify as non poisonous and the occasional fish that Aidan managed to catch with spears made from two long sticks and the knives in their pockets. Whenever they saw a car full of teenagers pull up, they would find the cabin that was the farthest away from the entrance without being a summer home and lock the door so no one could get in; the teenagers would all be gone by the next day, though they never knew that the reason was because they were either killed or had fled in terror since the cabin blocked all sounds from outside when the windows were closed. Underfed and isolated, tempers began to run higher than they ever did between them.

Trapped in the cabin (that they forgot to lock _this _time in their hurry to hide) with a lesser known-but more bloodthirsty-version of the Phantom of the Opera and Hannibal Lecter, however, all they could do was hold onto each other and scream like frightened children. Erik could only stare, not sure how to handle the situation.

"What's happening, Erik?" Hannibal had come in to see who screamed, still holding the knife he was using to cut vegetables. Needless to say, seeing him did not inspire confidence.

"Please don't kill us!" Snow pleaded. "We don't mean any harm and we won't tell anyone you were here!"

"How are you here anyway, Dr. Lecter?" Snow could have killed Aidan right there (they had a better chance of surviving if Lecter didn't know they knew exactly who he was, even though Erik probably would have told him anyway), but she settled with hitting him.

"What do you mean?" Lecter asked, putting the knife down, and motioning for Erik to drop the rope.

"Well, you're a made up character, right? You only exist in movies or books. Heck, you even look and sound a lot like Anthony Hopkins, except for the eyes."

"I'm afraid I don't follow you, young man. You suggest that I'm a fictional character? You must be mistaken. Then again, many people thought the Opera Ghost was a myth, but I digress. Would you care to explain why you don't think I'm real?"

"Sure." Before Snow could stop him, he climbed out of the wardrobe and took his cell phone from the pocket of the cloak he was _still_ wearing after all that had happened (Snow's cloak and both of their masks were beneath a loose floorboard she had found the day before). He turned it on, tapped on the application titled IMDb, then typed "silence of the lambs" in the search engine.

He gave the phone to Lecter when he got to the right page. After reading the film synopsis, the cast list, hell, even the parents guide, Lecter's eyebrows were raised.

"Well," he said softly, "that is interesting. What are your names?"

"I'm Aidan and that's Snow. We've kinda been on the run for awhile ourselves so you don't have to worry about us ratting you guys out."

Lecter shook his hand. "This is Erik Destler, you may know him as the Phantom of the Opera," Erik shook his hand too, "and you apparently already know who I am. We won't kill you and if we're lucky, we won't stay with you very long. I'll just get back to making dinner. You're welcome to join us. Do you think you three could get a fire started outside?"

Aidan looked at Snow, who was still shaken with the discovery that two horror movie characters were real. He went over to her and put his arm around her shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay," he told her, rubbing her back a little. "We're not going to die. I don't think they will go back on their promise, unlike a certain S&amp;M demon with pins driven into his head." She laughed a little at this, but it sounded a little hysterical since she still felt afraid. "No one's going to hurt you, and I would kill anyone who tried. Now let's help the Phantom build that fire."

They went outside with Erik. Snow felt better than she did ten minutes ago, but she couldn't completely shake the fear she felt, and she had a sneaking suspicion that they were being watched.

* * *

"What do you see down there?" Freddy hissed at Pinhead. Freddy, Pinhead, and Jason were standing in some tree house that kids made a long time ago that was left behind like everything else here. "Who's down there?"

"Two men and two teenagers, a boy and a girl," he reported, looking through a cheap-looking telescope. Freaking Dimension Studios,* you're one of the companies that distributed Spy Kids so you should have something better for Pinny to use! "The men seem familiar somehow."

"How's that so?"

"I feel that the one who looks younger has been close to death before, but survived because of a deal he made with the Devil, and that the older one is a wanted criminal. Both of their names escape me at the moment. I have no idea who the teenagers are, except that they are probably related to each other; as far as I know, they came from another world entirely."

"What? Never mind, I don't want a headache. What are they doing?"

"Getting ready for dinner apparently." Pinhead put the telescope away, then frowned when Freddy started snickering. "What do you find so amusing, Frederick?" he asked coldly.

"Nothing, I just have hay fever." Worst lie ever.

Jason raised one hand to the left eye hole on his mask and pointed to Freddy with the other hand, indicating what was the matter. Pinhead raised his hand to his eye and when he pulled his hand away to look, there was sticky red paint on his fingers, no doubt from the can of red paint Freddy found that now sat open behind him.

"You shall pay for your insolence later," he snarled at Freddy, who had a look on his face that said, "I regret nothing." "For now, let's focus on what to do about these people."

"Um, does anyone know what the weight limit for this thing is?" Pinhead and Freddy turned to see Jason climbing down the ladder steps nailed to the tree rather quickly for a man his size.

"No. Why do you ask?"

"We are three grown men and this tree house is at least fifty years old. There's a pretty good chance that the whole thing will-"

At that moment, the floor of the tree house gave in and everything inside fell to the ground fifteen feet below, including Freddy and Pinhead.

"-break," Jason finished feebly. "Sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"I _really _hate you guys!" Freddy groaned as he tried to get out from under Pinhead.

* * *

Some time later, Dr. Lecter, Erik, Aidan, and Snow sat down to eat the chicken and vegetable soup the good doctor had made. They talked a little about things, such as Snow and Aidan's narrow escape, plot additions and changes Erik wished to make to Don Juan Triumphant (which he had to edit because he wanted to avoid accusations of plagiarism from Andrew Lloyd Webber), and how Hannibal got his hand back after he cut it off.

Well, Lecter, Erik, and Aidan did most the talking while Snow just sat quietly, occasionally nodding in agreement or doing other things to indicate interest, but she wasn't really listening to what was being said. Whenever a twig snapped, she would turn around quickly, looking for whatever made the noise, which usually turned out to be a squirrel or a stray cat. Dr. Lecter noticed her odd behavior first. "What seems to be the trouble, dear?"

"What camp is this again?"

"Crystal Lake." She turned as white as a sheet. "Is there anything wrong with this place?"

"When Aidan and I were at home, we would watch horror movies with our friends from time to time. One of the film series we would watch the most was Friday the 13th, which took place at a camp at Crystal Lake and Jason Voorhees would show up in these movies and kill everyone who went there."

Erik and Hannibal seemed to understand what she was getting at, but Aidan didn't see the problem. "Where are you going with this, sis?"

"If Hannibal Lecter and the Phantom of the Opera are real, then there's a very good chance Jason is, too."

"Oh, now I get it." Aidan hit his head in a way that was like "Duh!" "What should we do about it, though? Jason's a beast when he kills people, and the laws of typical horror movies state that there's no way out of this. Dr. Lecter's car will not start for any other reason besides plot convenience, or inconvenience, and no matter how fast we run, even if he is just taking a leisurely stroll, the moment one of us trips, he will catch up to us and we will die. And if this is after Freddy Vs. Jason, and they somehow put aside their differences..."

"NOT HELPING!" Snow snapped.

Erik stood up and went toward the woods.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Mr. Destler!" Aidan called after him. "It's always the person who wanders off that dies first. And don't tell us you're coming right back because you'll jinx yourself and never will."

"I can't die. Unless Jason knows where all of my music compositions are hidden and is able to get to each one of them and destroy them within a few hours, I'm not dying anytime soon. I have an idea on how to defend ourselves against a potential attack. I just need a little time. All of you stay here and gather any potential weapons you can find."

"He isn't suggesting..." Snow began, looking toward Lecter, who reached into his pocket and took out his harpy.

"I believe he is," he responded, flicking the blade out.

"HELL YEAH!" Aidan shouted, fist hitting the air. And he went inside the cabin and came out with Snow's cloak and both of the Ghostface masks. "Wait for a minute while I get the fishing spears!"

"Hell no," Snow moaned, looking at the mask that had been dropped in her lap. She glared at the thing. "God damn the two bastards that had to show up at that party. I blame them for all of this."

* * *

Night had fallen on Crystal Lake as the ungodly trio began to head for the cabin where the four intruders were.

"Remember the plan," Pinhead said quietly to the other two. "We will not attack until one of them separates himself or herself from the group. We will not bother with boxes or dreams this time because I have been listening to the teenagers and they seem to already be aware of some of the danger here."

"Whatever, Pinny."

"Don't call me that!"

"Okay, Zippy." If looks could kill, Pinhead's glare would have destroyed Freddy a thousand times in a second for mispronouncing his given name. He kept silent, however, because he saw one of the men about twenty feet away, probably looking for more firewood.

They split up and slowly crept toward the man. He seemed completely unaware that he was being stalked. Unbeknownst to the trio, Erik was simply waiting for them to fall into his trap.

His patience was rewarded when Freddy walked into a trip wire, causing a low-hanging tree branch that had been pulled back to strike him in the face and knock him into a six-foot pit where he was almost impaled by spike-like sharpened sticks.

"SON OF A BITCH!" the dream demon shouted as he tried and failed to get out, this time landing on one of the spikes. Pinhead and Jason managed to stop before they ran into their own traps, but their cover was blown.

At that moment, a dark figure dashed somewhere near Pinhead, and the moment he turned to look, he felt a rather large rock slam into the back of his head. It didn't knock him out, but it did drive several of his pins deeper into his skull, causing him great discomfort and making it very hard to focus. He managed to right himself in time to avoid getting stabbed by the cloaked and masked person he saw before, but it was still a close call.

Jason yanked the spear out of the boy's hands and grabbed him when he tried to stab him, too, and raised his machete to strike, but a second figure, with a female voice, shouted, "Not on my watch, buddy!" and threw a second rock in his direction, knocking him into a second trap, a makeshift net made of thick vines that Jason, having dropped his machete and the boy when he was hit, couldn't break through right away.

Pinhead cursed quietly to himself. There was no way in hell he'd be able to get his comrades out of their traps without getting captured himself. These people were far more clever than he originally thought.

Then he got an idea. It was very underhanded, but he had no other choice. Besides, it wasn't like he hadn't done something like this before. Making sure no one was watching, he made himself invisible and, making sure not to step into yet another trap, crept up behind the cloaked boy, who took off his mask and went to his sister's side.

"Thanks for saving me, Snow. Another moment and I probably would have ended up like Alice did in the second film." He looked into the spike pit where Freddy still struggled to get free. "Wow, I'm really surprised that I was sort of right about Freddy and Jason teaming up. You'd think Jason would be pissed about Freddy pretending to be his mom."

"When I get my hands on you," Freddy snarled, "you'll wish you were never born!"

"Love you, too!" Aidan shouted, waving at him. "I thought your puppet kill in Dream Warriors was the best in the series, by the way; really gory and awesome!"

_What the f*ck is he talking about? _Freddy wondered. _He's not an Elm Street kid that I missed, is he? No, he can't be, he wouldn't praise it then. How does he know about what I did if he wasn't there? What series? And where the hell is Pinhead when I need him?!_

"Aidan, I don't think we should relax just yet." Erik came over, lasso and knife in hand. "I saw a third man's silhouette here and I didn't hear him get caught."

"Oh yeah, Pinhead. I think Snow managed to hit him with a rock-nice aim, by the way-but it didn't knock him out, and he dodged me when I tried to hit him. I find it strange that he's here, too. 'Speak of the devil,' or cenobite. It must be like that original Freddy Vs. Jason ending that got scrapped because the dumb director thought Pinhead was lame. What does he know?! He made Bride of Chucky, which is only enjoyable in the so bad it's good sense. God, I just want another good film with Pinhead so he doesn't fall into obscurity, especially since the company that currently owns the rights just don't give a crap and put him in crappy sequel after crappy sequel, and one time not even-"

Pinhead, growing tired of the fanboy ranting (even though part of him agreed with what he said), took a knife from his belt and stabbed him, causing himself to become visible once more. The cut wasn't enough to kill him immediately, but it severely wounded him and caused him to fall to the ground. Snow cried out and Erik tried to use the Punjab lasso to choke the pinheaded demon, but he stepped out of the way and disappeared again.

"Oh, God! Aidan!" Snow pressed her hand to the wound, trying to stop the blood.

"Sorry guys," Aidan said feebly, a little blood coming out of his mouth, too. "Shouldn't have let my guard down."

"We have to get back to Dr. Lecter. He'll know how to handle this." Together, with Erik keeping his knife out in case Pinhead came back, they helped Aidan to his feet and they began to head toward the cabin.

Once they left, Xipe used the rope of the net trapping Jason to lower him to the ground, cut him out, then lowered the rope to Freddy (who managed to remove himself from the spikes at that moment).

"About time, asshole. Also, what the Hell was he talking about? And why the Hell is Hannibal Lecter here?"

"Be grateful I helped you at all. I'll explain the other things later, but for now, we need to follow them so we continue to have the upper hand. I have a feeling the boy may become unconscious, if not from blood loss, than probably from a drug Lecter may use so he can work on the wound. If you could..."

"Say no more. I can feel him drifting off now." And with that, he disappeared.

"Good. Jason, you and I will follow them to their camp at a safe distance so that they don't turn around and force us into anymore traps. Do you understand?" No response. He turned around, assuming Jason had responded non verbally. "Jason?" Jason, however, seemed to be looking at something in the distance. Pinhead looked at what he was looking at.

About twenty feet away was a tall man in a blue jumpsuit and wearing a white, expressionless mask that looked a little like William Shatner. He sensed that he was being watched and waved a kitchen knife over his head twice before slowly walking toward them. In his other hand, he had an open can of what Xipe realized was kerosene and a box of matches.

"Dear, Leviathan, he's going to try to set this place on fire! Quick, we need to get away from him!" And they went in the same direction as Erik and Snow, not looking behind them to see if their pursuer caught up since they knew that if they did, he would catch up and they would probably fall into one of the traps they wanted to avoid.

Michael Myers just kept following, not wanting them to get too far away from him. He wanted to know where he was since one moment he was ready to set the Strode house on fire to scare his sister and niece out, and the next he was in the woods beside a huge lake. Maybe they could tell him where he was. He walked into a trip wire, but managed to grab onto the branch before it knocked him into another pit, and continued on his way, forgetting to close the kerosene can.

* * *

Erik and Snow hadn't gotten very far before Aidan's blood loss caused him to pass out. "We need to hurry," Snow urged. "Freddy can enter dreams and if Aidan gets killed in the dream, he's gone forever." They shifted his body so that they could move faster.

Everything was going well, the cabin was in sight, when Snow's foot was caught in a root she didn't see and she fell to the ground, almost taking the unconscious Aidan with her, but Erik kept a firm hold on him.

"What the Hell?! That root wasn't there a moment ago! And where the Hell are my glasses?!" She tried to feel around for her glasses, but they were no where within her reach. Erik even removed Aidan's cellphone from his pocket and used the screen's light to try to help her, but she couldn't find them.

"Lost something, toots?" Something was thrown in Snow's direction and despite being near sited, she managed to catch her glasses.

"Thanks." She put them on and looked to the person who returned her only means of sight. Her gratitude turned to shock when she saw who it was.

Leaning against a tree was a clown with pale skin, flaming red hair, and sharp teeth, holding a bunch of multi-colored balloons in his hand. She knew this clown very well; this was the first horror movie character to haunt her nightmares long before she had even seen the whole film he was featured in. Pennywise the dancing clown.

"No problem, hon. Want a balloon? They float." He held out a bright red one and smiled in a way that did not reassure her.

"Um, no, we have somewhere else to be and we need to get going before it's too late." _Why is he here? He's supposed to terrorize children that get too close to a storm drain in Drury, Maine, not the woods in New Jersey!_

"Are you sure you don't want it?" His eyes started glowing, causing Snow to panic.

"Crap! Erik, don't look at him! We need to move, now!"

"Hey, don't be like that." He grabbed her by the arm and began to drag her away from the others. She struggled to get away and screwed her eyes shut, not wanting to die or lose whatever sanity she had left. Erik tried to stop him, but Pennywise caused one of the balloons to pop, releasing an acid like substance that burned off the artificial skin that covered his scarred face and temporarily blinded him. When his vision cleared, they were no where in site.

Erik was at a loss. He had to save her, but he couldn't leave Aidan alone since one of the other murderers may try to kill him while he was gone, and Aidan was too heavy to drag to the cabin in time to save her so that was out of the question. Then he remembered that Dr. Lecter was inside the cabin. Maybe if he shouted loud enough...

"Hannibal! We need your help!" He thanked whatever god decided to be merciful today when the door opened.

_Back with Snow_

"LET GO OF ME!" Snow shouted, blindly trying to fight him (or was It actually a her? the novel confused Snow so much) off with no success. One failed attempt to kick the clown in the groin caused her to fall to the ground yet again, twisting her ankle. It laughed at her.

"Just take the balloon. It's not gonna hurt ya!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" she screamed, trying to crawl away, hurt ankle be damned. At this point, she didn't care who heard her; as crazy as it sounded, she preferred getting torn apart by chains, a machete to the head, and being haunted by whatever horrifying thing Freddy decided to throw her way than turning into Pennywise's next meal.

She felt him behind her, could just see him opening his mouth ready to bite into her like a cheeseburger one of the creepy clowns he was based on would encourage kids to eat. Before he could do so, however, someone grabbed him by the hair from behind and pulled him away from the girl.

"What the-?" A harpy went to It's throat and a cold metallic voice came from the man behind him.

"It isn't polite to drag a woman away from her friends against her will. It's quite rude actually, especially since you planned to kill and eat her when she did nothing wrong. If you took offense in her trying to leave, she has a brother to worry about, and from what my friend, the one _you_ sprayed with acid, has told me, you did not come across as sympathetic."

Hannibal pushed Pennywise towards a tree, breaking his nose in the process.

"Unless you want to endure the same fate you planned for Snow, you will let me take her back to the cabin without interference." Pennywise disappeared, knowing that the man meant business. Dr. Lecter turned his attention to Snow, who started laughing hysterically. "You okay?" His voice lost the metallic edge, showing a small amount of concern for her.

"F*ck you, King," she said halfway through her laughing fit. "You're the reason I could never like circus clowns as a kid. And to think I had to be saved from one cannibal by another cannibal, though the first one was actually a giant f*cking spider so I'm not sure if that counts. What is my life coming to?!" Lecter remembered how Aidan comforted her earlier and carefully put his arm around her shoulder. She stiffened a little, since she still didn't know him very well, but didn't push him away and soon she calmed down.

"Did you hurt yourself when you fell?"

"I think I sprained my ankle, but I'll live. As you said, I have to make sure Aidan's alright. Also, I'm sorry if I swear too much while I'm angry or scared, since it's really rude and you hate that. I've been trying to stop that for a while, I have a jar at home that I have to put a nickel in every time I cuss, but because of everything that's happened, I can't really do that."

"That's fine. You've been under a lot of stress in the past few hours and I've heard much worse things from people I've known longer than you, friendly or not, so I won't hold it against you if you swear. Come on, I'll help you back to the cabin."

* * *

Aidan slowly opened his eyes, groaning in pain due to the cut on his side. He was very surprised to find that he wasn't in the woods or even inside of the cabin. Instead, he was in some sort of hallway with marble walls and floors. Along some of these walls were what looked like cabinets of some kind. He stood up and began to look around.

"Hello?" he called. "Snow? Erik? Dr. Lecter? Where are you guys?" No answer.

Suddenly, he heard an odd whirring sound from around the corner and the next moment, he saw a silver sphere speed right toward him. He managed to duck to avoid it, but it came very close to his head. The moment it passed him, he got back on his feet and ran to the nearest door he could find before it came back.

The door led him into some sort of boiler room. He heard a dark chuckle somewhere in the room, and that made him realize what was going on.

"Oh, sh!t. I fell asleep!" He saw Freddy step out from behind one of the boilers, pointing at Aidan with his gloved hand.

"That's right! Now it's my turn to play."

Aidan immediately ran to the right as fast as he could, which was pretty fast thanks to his and Snow's training on the cross-country team. He knew he had no chance of fighting Freddy in the dream world since his weapon didn't enter the dream with him while Freddy had a bladed glove and the ability to use his worst fears against him. Aidan's only hope was to run to a pipe that was conveniently close enough to touch and burn himself like Nancy did in the first film and wake up, something that was easier said than done as a shadow of Freddy appeared at every other turn, forcing him to find another route before the dream demon could get the chance to attack him.

He eventually found himself at a dead end, one without a low hanging pipe, and Freddy laughed as he approached him.

Then they both heard a whirring sound and the same silver sphere from before (that came through the door Aidan forgot to close) flew toward Freddy. Two spikes came out and struck him in the forehead. Before he could get it off, a drill came out as well and started to make a hole in his head, spurting yellow blood at the back of the ball. Aidan took his chance and ran past him while he struggled to get it off, intending to leave the boiler room and find some other way to wake up.

He could not exit through the door he came in, however, because at the top of the stairs stood an old man over six feet tall. He frowned at Aidan and after a moment started to make his way down the stairs, summoning several more silver spheres as he went.

"Not again!" Aidan went back to his old plan of finding the pipe, this time with more urgency as his brains could be drilled out and he could become one of the Tall Man's minions at any moment. He managed to reach the pipe just as the man caught up with him.

"The game's over, boy."

"Not today." Aidan slammed his left arm against the pipe as hard as he could (because for all he knew, the pipe could have no steam, making it impossible to burn himself) and with a shout of pain he disappeared.

* * *

If someone told Dr. Lecter that he'd have to deal with an undead Jason Voorhees, a sadomasochistic demon from Hell, a murderer trying to kill one of his friends while unconscious, and a child-eating clown knocking at a cabin door, he would not have believed that person, and probably would have recommended that he or she see a different doctor.

Yet here he stood, trying to clean and close the wound Pinhead gave Aidan as Erik and Snow, now with a splint on her ankle until Hannibal could look at it, kept watch over the heavily barricaded door in case Jason and Pinhead found them, hoping Freddy didn't find and kill Aidan before he finished. Aidan occasionally twitched in his sleep, but didn't seem to be in danger. The whole time this happened, Pennywise stood outside and talked loudly and told obnoxious jokes that barely work for prank calls anymore.

"Do you have Prince Albert in a can? You do? Well, you better let the poor guy out!" He laughed at this, causing all three of the conscious people to groan.

"I'm starting to wonder why I was ever scared of him. Aside from the sharp teeth and the Deadlights, he's more annoying than scary. Guess that's what happens when you cast someone who may as well be a walking cartoon villain."

Just as Lecter finished the last stitch on the wound, Aidan started to breathe heavily as if he was fleeing from something.

"Erik, quickly look in the bag and get the smelling salts." But this proved unnecessary as a moment after Erik handed him the bottle, Aidan sprang up and he yelled. A burn mark appeared on his left arm as he went around the room to look for something.

"Aidan, I have your spear over hear."

"I'm not looking for that, Snow. I'm trying to make sure he didn't follow me!"

"But you didn't bring Freddy out of your dream."

"Not Freddy! The freaking Tall Man! He tried to kill me, too!"

Snow's eyes went wide. "How many more murderers are here?! I was still adjusting to these two being real when Jason, Freddy and Pinhead showed up! I can't handle anymore slashers, I just can't!"

Aidan, deciding his sister was more important than looking for a deranged mortician, went over to her and hugged her. "We'll get through this, don't worry. We'll fight off any other demons or immortal murderers that are out there to stay safe."

Snow seemed calm and was ready to go back to her post... until she looked over Aidan's shoulder. Standing on the far side of the room away from them stood the Tall Man who glowered at them. She cried out and ran to the door to try and move everything away from it. Erik was about to ask for an explanation for this outburst when the Tall Man spoke, causing all three men to rush to help her.

"You won't be leaving that easily." They managed to move the dresser out of the way, but could not pull the door open since Pennywise had decided to hold onto the door knob from the other side.

"What's the password?"

"Let us out of here!"

"Nope!"

"We're going to die if you don't let go of the knob!"

"That's not it either. Try again."

Snow's fear gave way to anger. "Listen, clown! It's been a long night that isn't going to stop anytime soon and I'm done being dicked around by asshats like you. Unless you want me to break through the window and shove every last shard of glass up your butt, get out of the way!"

They were finally able to open the door. "You win! Just don't shove anything up my ass!" The four ran past him.

"Do you always act so hostile when angry?" Erik asked.

"No, only if I'm close to getting screwed over by the same person more than once. I feel better now that I told him off. Oh, crap! Hide, it's Pinhead and Jason." They ducked behind some bushes just as two thirds of the unholy trio stopped near them to catch their breath. They seemed to be running from something and the pinheaded cenobite seemed anxious.

"Why is Myers here? He's supposed to either be in Hell or looking for his family, not trying to burn Crystal Lake to the ground."

"Maybe Laurie or Jamie decided to camp here somewhere without us noticing and he's trying to get to them. How do we get rid of him, though? As much of dump as this place is, it's my home and I don't want it destroyed."

Just then, Freddy appeared next to them, holding a dented metal ball in his clawed hand and wearing a pissed off look on his burnt face. A large band aid was on the place where the ball had drilled.

"I'll give you one guess for who decided to try and steal the kid away from me and will be killed when I get the chance."

"Morningside is here as well?" Pinhead pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Nothing has gone right. First we get overpowered by booby traps and thrown rocks, then we find out Michael Myers is wandering Crystal Lake with kerosene and a box of matches. Now Morningside is after the others."

"Goddamn it, Michael?! Well, at least it's not that annoying clown who tells unfunny jokes and has an unhealthy obsession with balloons."

"That wasn't very nice." Pennywise came up to them with a bunch of balloons in his hand.

"I had to open my big mouth. Who the f*ck invited the clown?!"

"That's what I'd like to know. I was about to offer balloons to some kids playing street hockey when a bright light appeared and zapped me here. Then I saw this girl that lost her glasses and I gave them back to her. Then I tried to eat her, but Hannibal Lecter stopped me."

"Bright light?" Aidan murmured, this time keeping his voice down so he didn't blow their cover. "Snow and I saw a bright light as we ran away from Sidney's house the night those people died."

Erik nodded. "We saw one, too. We thought at the time someone just had their headlights on bright."

"Wait, you saw the other people, too? Where did they go?"

"You're out of luck, Pinny! They went into a cabin long enough for the doctor to fix the boy, then they fled because they didn't want to become servants to the 'Lord of the Dead.' Can't blame 'em, who wants to be a Jawa for the rest of their life? I'd tell you where they went, but the girl grew a spine and threatened bodily harm just because she didn't like my sense of humor so I don't want to know what she'd do if I ratted her and her friends out. Oh, hi Mikey! Wanna balloon?"

Michael shook his head and put the kerosene down. He saw the other three flinch at the site of the knife so he put it away, rolling his eyes a little as he did so. He then took out a small notebook and a piece of charcoal and began to write on it. When he finished, he held it up so the other four could see it. Aidan craned his neck a little so he could see too.

_Who are you and why am I here?_

"I am Xipe Totec. This is Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, and Pennywise the clown. Did you come here because of a bright light, too?"

Michael nodded then pointed at the second part of the note.

"I'm afraid I don't know why you were brought here. However, there might be a pattern here. If Morningside and the four strangers have similar stories, I may know who's behind this. For now, could you please put the lid back on that kerosene? If this place catches on fire, it won't do any of us any good."

Michael complied and screwed the lid back onto the can. Then, to Aidan's horror, he wrote out, _I'd check the bushes close to us first if you want to look for them; I think they twitched a few times._

Before he could warn his friends, or even make a move to save himself, four long chains (thankfully, without hooks, small comfort as it is) shot up from the ground and wrapped themselves tightly around Aidan, Snow, Erik, and Dr. Lecter, before forcing them out of the bushes and in front of the lead cenobite.

All the confidence Snow had gotten when she threatened Pennywise faded away in that instant. The way she categorized the slashers was similar to how she categorized people she had to deal with at school. Pennywise and Freddy, for instance, were the annoying jocks and bullies that you could usually find a way to avoid and if you couldn't avoid them (and once the shock value had worn off), all you had to do was speak their language to put them in their place. But then there were the thinking types, the ones she thought and hoped she would never have to deal with, where Hannibal Lecter, Erik Destler, Pinhead, and the Tall Man fall into. They were essentially like the teachers and principles of the school since they were smarter, more experienced, and the least likely to be intimidated by others or forgive them for trying to do so; threatening them is basically a death wish. And since it was Pinhead that was in control, oh boy she was in for a great deal of pain.

Aidan wished his arms weren't bound so he could comfort Snow, who trembled. Even if it wouldn't work since they sat before five of the most dangerous characters in horror, he wanted to at least make sure she didn't pass out in fear. He tried in vain to move, but the chain wouldn't give. He looked to Erik and Dr. Lecter to see if they had any idea how to get out, but they seemed just as stumped as he was.

Xipe looked at each person, his eyes seeming to pierce their souls. After a moment, he spoke.

"My theory seems to be true. They're here because of a light that appeared and surrounded them." He went over to the bushes where they were hiding and seemed to be looking for something.

"So we have Hannibal Lecter, the Phantom of the Opera, and the new Ghostface killers." If Aidan hadn't been so worried about what would happen to him and his friends, he would have expressed his amazement that Jason Voorhees could talk.

"We didn't kill anyone," Snow muttered, "or at least not on purpose."

"Yes, but they're not from this world. When you think about it, none of us are."

Freddy gave an exasperated sound. "Again with this talk of worlds. Can't we just kill these guys and get this over with?"

Aidan's struggle to get free began anew; he wasn't going to let them hurt any of his friends without a fight. Before Freddy could make a move to do so, however, another chain came out and wrapped around his gloved wrist.

"No. If you try to attack them, the chains will suddenly lose their hold on one of them, allowing him or her to fight back. At the same time, however, they won't be able to run away because of this barrier here." He put his hand in between two trees, and his palm went against something solid and invisible, which caused a ripple effect to go all around the small area of forest they stood in and above their heads; they were inside of some kind of dome.

"The person behind this wants us to stay in this area and stay on even footing." With that, he made the chains around Aidan, Snow, Erik, and Hannibal go away. Aidan rubbed his arms, knowing that he was going to find bruises everywhere in addition to the cut Pinhead had already given him. He went over to Snow and patted her on the back.

"What are we supposed to do now?" Jason asked. "If we can't leave and we can't fight each other without something preventing either side from getting the upper hand, what do we do?"

"We wait until the person behind this either shows up or decides to remove the wall. Then we'll see what happens from there."

A moment of silence passed before Michael took out a pack of cards and wrote out another message. _Does anyone know how to play Texas Hold'em?_

* * *

Author's Note: Okay, due to this chapter almost being 10,000 words long, I'm going to have to make a third part to chapter one. Hope you found this entertaining and feel free to give constructive criticism if it's needed (something didn't make sense, characters being way to OOC, grammar issues, etc.).

*FREE IMAGINARY SLUTTY BROWNIE (brownie with Oreo and chocolate chip cookie baked in; you can find many recipes for them online) FOR ANYONE WHO KNOWS WHAT FANFIC I GOT THIS JOKE FROM! =D


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